A guy I worked with once spent a lovely evening telling me variations of the ‘Man from Nantucket’ limerick. It was quite fun. Funeral directors are some of the filthiest mother fuckers you’ll ever meet.

But yes, dirty limericks have a charm of their own. I do love them. Hate writing ‘em at times, but I do love them.

When I was scouring the library for pornography as a little Wendy, I came across a book called ‘Sex in Literature’, b John Alfred Atkins (No, I did not memorize the author, I googled. Alas, it isn’t available on Amazon.com, or I would link to it!) which for me served as a place where I could go to find some sexy bitch of writing.

I’m sure, as it was a very large book, that they discussed other aspects of sex in literature, such as the hows and whys, but I only ever read the dirty bits. I just looked it up on my library’s system. Its still there. I should go check it out and, you know, actually read the damn thing!

I remember two dirty limericks from that book by heart:

‘There once was a man from Kildare
Who was having a girl in a chair
On the sixty third stroke,
the furniture broke!
And his rifle went off in the air.’

&

‘There was a young lady of Kew,
Who said, as the curate withdrew:
“I prefer the dear Vicar,
He’s longer and thicker,
and besides, he comes quicker than you!”‘

But other people’s dirty limericks aside, I started this post to showcase the four stanza dirty limerick I wrote for Essin’ Em’s Swag Contest! I want that dick. And not just because its called the “Banditio’ and I really like saying that word. (I do! Why just today I was telling my sister I felt like a bandito wearing my new Pancho. I really want to like, hide kittens under it and surprise people with them!)

Kitten’s and Panchos aside, I would like to share my poem with ya’ll.

Wendy likes dildos with class,
made out of silicone, wood, and glass!
With her high quality dick,
she’s up for a trick!
She’s a nut for putting them in ass!

She’ll smile and gives us a wink,
than slides her dick up in a twink,
She’ll load up with lube,
and she’s ready to move
Its almost her favourite kink.

‘What could be better than pegging?’
You say with your head shaking.
Well, if you ask her for this,
you’ll never be dissed,
and you might even get HER begging!

Because at the top of her list,
she likes to work  with her fist!
She can get it all in,
and with a sweet little grin
tell you she’s in to her wrist!

Yes, at last, there is a limerick that includes anal fisting. Yay!