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Sex and the Skeletal System

May 18th, 2009 · 3 Comments

I am all kinds of fucked up.

Studying anatomy at school this past week has been turning me on.  Not because we’re palpating our fellow students. Not because I think of all the dirty things ’studying anatomy’ could be a euphemism for.

But because we’ve been studying the spinal column and thoracic cage. Yeah. The spine and the ribs. Because I find those features visible on a man extremely sexy. I like being able to see a man’s sacral crest, and to palpate the sternoclavicular notch…and don’t even get me started on hipbones. I even texted a sometimes lover during class (and we’re not even supposed to have our phones *on* in class, and I’ve been good about that!) because he was of the skinny, and I was of the ‘oh lord I want to Do Things to a skinny boy’ horny.

But really. I fee like its kind of fucked up that studying the skeletal system turns me on coz I dig a skinny guy. The running joke is that I’m looking for a guy that’s 6′8” and 130lbs.

I used to joke that I had a fetish for recreating the illustration to the poem ‘Jack Sprat’ in my bedroom.

My interest in pale skinny men is verging on obsession. I wish I understood it. Its weird. It verges on fucked up.

Like…for some reason, the other day, someone got me thinking about Silverchair, a band that was popular when I was in high school. I had the hots for the lead singer. I’m sure you can see why.

So I was checking out old videos, and saw what he looks like now. And I was like ‘Ew, he is so not cute any more. He looked better back then.’ Then I listened to another song and realized what i had just thought, which was ‘Ew, he is so not cute all normal and healthy. He looked better when he was anorexic‘ (like really. That’s what the song was about.)

So, I don’t know. This is kind of weird for me. Not liking the skinny boys, but thinking that something I like is fucked up.  I wish I knew where it came from. I’ve always liked ‘em like that. I mean, scrawny boys aren’t the *only* type of male I’m attracted to, but if given the choice between Mika or Peter Steele, based on physical appearance, I’d take Mika any day. (And I’ve seen Peter Steele’s penis, so that’s saying something!)

I’m not sure why this suddenly bothers me. The only thing I can think of is that while wrestling with my new body image, the way I think of the bodies of others has changed.

And suddenly, I’m interested in *why* I like this one thing. I don’t ponder why I love ass, or hurting people, or the idea of a boy sleeping at the foot of the bed, but I’ve been thinking about why I’m so enamoured of this one physical trait.

Most (most, not all) of my past partners have been both tall, skinny, or both. Tall skinny boys like me, and I like them back. I once joked that its because they looked like they needed to be fed, and I looked like I could feed them. Maybe its some sort of reversed or subsumed feederism thing. Maybe skinny boys just like fat chicks.

I remember the first chubby chaser I ever went out with. He was super excited when our mutual friend who introduced us told him that I worked at a plus sized clothing store…and that I shopped there too.

I already had my skinny boy love blossoming then, and he was…good lord. Tall, pale, skinny, all gothy angsty emo hair in his eyes lip ring wearing visible hip and collar bone having… guh. (and it didn’t hurt that he sent me a video of himself jerking off before we met. Good good.) God he was hot.

And *he* though *I* was hot. Like, he was all over me thought I was hot. Like, we made out in my car when I dropped him off and kicked my cds all over the front seat thought I was hot.

That had never really happened to me before. I always felt that guys who liked me dug me despite the way I looked, not because of the way I looked. That was a really intense feeling. I think that’s part of why I was *so* into this kid. (Things didn’t work out. Three dates and it fizzled. I think he was all in love with an ex. Emo kids. Pfft. Also, in retrospect, I was extremely full of crazy those days. Oh untreated bipolar disorder, how you vexed me!)

Anyway, maybe that crystallized, or at least heavily shored up, my idea that pale skinny boys were Very Good. That the next couple of awesome guys I dated and fucked were of the same variety (Shady goth club bouncer guy, the guy from myspace who was in an electronica band, Daniel) didn’t hurt.

And since then, I both attract and seek out those sort of boys. Maybe we have matching insecurities about our appearances - really really skinny boys are not considered conventionally attracted in our culture, nor are fat chicks.

At one point I thought it had something to do with them looking the way I wanted to look, (similar, perhaps, to how young girls like really bishie, androgynous type boys because they’re more relatable) but I really doubt that. My goal weight is 130lbs, but I doubt I’ll actually get there, because its seem entirely *too skinny* for me! 15olbs will probably be where I hover, eventually. And when I look at girls, the quickest way to turn me off is for them to be too skinny. I like women with curves and tits and asses and stuff.

The women I like tend to look like me, and the men are the complete opposite (I generally go for really scrawny type men, or alpha male types. Like, Mika or Wolverine. Write me a song OR slaughter me a deer.(unless you write some sort of ballad/epic poem about slaughtering the deer. That might be hot.))

Maybe its a study in opposites. Anton LaVey, in his book for female satanists, the Satanic Witch (yes, I read LaVey. He’s entertaining, and if you wade through enough bullshit, has a few good points) goes on about opposites and such. Conventional wisdom says opposites attract. The polar opposite of me would be a scrawny Jack Skellington type of guy. (Who, by the way, I have no interest in. I didn’t really care for ‘A Nightmare Before Christmas’ or any of the  gothhype around it.)

Ah well, its not like I actually *can* figure this all out. Who knows why we like what we like? I don’t even know why it suddenly matters.

I *do* want to go back to not thinking my interest in ridiculously skinny men is NOT all sorts of fucked up. I don’t like thinking things that I like are fucked up. Until recently, I was about 95% cool with everything. Now I’m all confused and such.

Examples of Teh Skinneh I keep talking about.

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Tags: boys · possible rambling of no interest to anyone but myself

3 responses so far ↓

  • 1 sophie // May 18, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    i’m totally with you on this one! [except a couple of the boys pictured are a bit *too* skinny for me :) ]

    i still don’t understand what my uber-fit, gorgeous boyfriend sees in gym-dodging, food-gorging me! maybe your opposite theory is true!

  • 2 Molly Ren // May 18, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    “And *he* though *I* was hot. Like, he was all over me thought I was hot. Like, we made out in my car when I dropped him off and kicked my cds all over the front seat thought I was hot.”

    Lucky you. :D

    It’s not necessarily fucked up, though. People come in all different body types without necessarily having some kind of eating disorder. You’re just attracted to one of the ends of the scale. That way, everyone gets a chance to be lusted after!

  • 3 Wendy Blackheart // May 18, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    Heh. Every fat girl needs to get a hot chaser *once* in her life. I would still totally shag that kid. I should look him up on Facebook. “Hey, remember that bucket of crazy you dated at 19? Now I’m less crazy and more easy! Lets fuck!”

    Thanks for the reminder - sometimes I forget that people can be that skinny and healthy. I think the guy from Silverchair and the anorexia revelation kind of freaked me out. I had a guy friend who dug anorexic chicks (to the point of renting anorexic chick porn) and I remember being all ‘Dude, WTF? Thats so not cool!’ and going off on a rant about feminism and beauty standards or something (But I was 16 then, so.) I don’t want to fetishize something unhealthy…and I like a man who eats when I cook for him.

    And all the PSB in my life have been high metabolism mother fuckers. They could eat 12 gallons of lard, and I could eat a salad, and they’d lose 2 pounds and I’d gain five. Jerks.

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