Or, ‘Who the fuck are these people?!’

Wendy - Me, of course! I’m 24, a former funeral director and librarian hopeful, an avid reader and a wanna be writer. I like sex, I like writing, and I like Harry Potter. I especially like when the three are combined.

I have a thing for bisexual boys, and boys who let me put things in their bum. I not-so secretly fantasize about twins, Vikings and all that good stuff. I secretly LOVE romance novels.

Christine - My 21 year old sister, who occasionally will pop up in stories here and there. She’s a good kid, most of the time, and we get along much better now that I don’t live at home. She thinks I’m kind of weird, but she learned to deal with it. Its all good. She finally broke up with her dumb as a rock Navy boyfriend, and is finally having awesome sex. I also really want to nail her friend Andre. Ah, one day….

Josie - My 16 year old sister, who’s my buddy. We used to be look-a-likes, but then she grew boobs and dyed her hair black. (I grew an ass and dyed my hair red) People still think she’s my daughter. We’ve always had lots in common, and now she comes out and stays with me to get away from the parents, and when I’m on L.I., sometimes she comes out with Coconuts and I. She has her own blog as well, Josie’s Pussy Cat Tales

Elizabeth - My BFF, She’s out in Cali learning to become a famous photographer. We met coz our high school boyfriends were best friends, and we spent lots of time together watching them play video games. Eventually, we ditched the boys, and kept each other. Together, we stalked a boy at Friendlies, started a Friday night tradition, discovered we had a curse upon our heads, delved into Harry Potter Mania, dealt with LJ drama, had two Prom Nights, ran around in the rain for no good reason, played the Game of Life at two am while eating Wendy’s, and have been there through thick and thin. I heart you Elizabeth.

She finally realized she wasn’t really all that straight, and now she’s dating an awesome girl named Cookie. They recently got engaged! Now I get to be a bride’s maid. Or an Usher. Or something. Anyway, I’m going to help make their Chuppa.

Maria - My other BFF, we’ve been friends since we were 7. She’s currently with her boyfriend running around Utah doing god knows what now. She calls me whenever she put a finger in his butt, and was very jealous when I put a hell of a lot more than a finger in Sebastian’s butt. If she comes to NY and has the time, I plan on bringing her to a Jefferson Party, if her boytoy is down with that. And since Maria wears the pants, I’m sure he will be. She understands my Italian Angst.

PARTNERS IN CRIME

Lily - Lily’s my buddy, and the reason I’m here. She used to date my ex-boyfriend/flatmate, and when I broke up with Franklin, it was Lily who decided to introduce me to Jefferson and his orgies. I also blame her for me starting to blog. I <3 Lily.

Jefferson- I met Jefferson sight unseen after exchanging emails for a few days, and it was, and continues to be, good times. We have the sex, do the beatings, and have the conversations. Jefferson’s one of the best friends a girl can have. Through his parties, I’ve met some excellent people!

Franklin - Franklin was my long term boyfriend. We broke up in February ‘07, but now we’re friends. Amazingly, we had quite a civil break up. The toys were distributed back fairly, even though I some how got the KY and he got my Slippery Stuff. I still use the purse he gave me, and he still uses the scarf I made him.

He’s more queer than I thought he was.

We had quite a few firsts together. He’s the first boy to beat me properly, we went to Paddles together for the first time, he was the first man to fuck my ass, and he was the first man on whom I strapped it on.

He has forever earned my affection for buying me the last Harry Potter book when I was broke.

Avah - Avah is my biggest partner in crime. We convinced each other to go to sex camp, bedded down together there, and had a Blow Job Throw Down. She has un-retired her blog, which is awesome. I like to whack her with my leather strap, which she hates. We chat and giggle about boys, and go to events together.

I put my fist in her vagina.

While we do have sex, it tends to only be during shows or at parties. We’re more friends than sex partners.

She too, has forever earned my gratitude for not smacking me every time I call, text, or IM her with blog questions.

Sebastian- Sebastian, formerly Jed, is my tall, lanky anal loving size queen, with a sexy sexy voice. Mm… I bought my biggest dildo basically to show off for him. He’s totally my (physical) type, and he fucks an ass like nobodies business. I quite like him, but there’s little to our relationship but (anal) sex, and an odd sort of friendship.

Michael - An ex who I’m seeing again. Tall and skinny and hairy and awesome. He’s a great friend, and an awesome lover, and hung like a donkey. Heh.

Gabriel - Gabriel, also referred to as ‘the Boy’ and occasionally as ‘my boy’ is, obviously, a new boy in my life. I hit him with stuff, and found out I really really like it, along with other things I didn’t realize I liked, like putting boys in girls clothing, pulling hair, slapping boys, and clothes pins. He’s really tall and really pretty and has the best hair ever. He’s also read “Day of the Triffids” which totally earns points in my book.

Rebecca - Gabriel’s other lover (aside from his primary partner) who I managed to get in touch with through the weirdest set of coincidences ever. We go to plays and keep planning movie nights.

Nathan- Nathan, I actually met before I met. A cutie queer boy, we messaged each other on OKCupid for a while, but nothing panned out, due mostly, I think, to distance. (I at the time lived on L.I., and he in the city) He walked in the door when I was at my first Jefferson Orgy, and I called him by his user name. Its seems OKC was right, we rather did hit it off. Now, we get together, eat tasty Indian buffet, smoke lots of pot and watch cartoons, and have awesome sex. He even managed to wear me out one night. He understands my suburban angst.

Nix Nepenthe - My new roommate, who rock my fucking socks off. Its awesome to be able to actually *live* and be comfortable in an apartment. We walk around naked, chat, drink wine, play with the rats and the cat, and have good times.

Annabel - The straight girl who stole my heart, and has no idea that she has it. I adore her, her voice, her face, her beautiful laugh, the way she moves, the very ground she walks on. I’m irrationally jealous of all the men in her life, because they can be with her in ways I can’t. They can hold her, touch her, date her…and I’m just a friend. Cookie says to hang in there, because she got my straight best friend to come around, but I fear Annabel’s affections won’t be so easily won.

Emma and Adam - A wonderful couple I befriended through Jefferson’s parties.

Jacob - An adorable tattoo covered Long Island boy, who sucks a dick like the fuckin’ antidote is in there. Goddamn that’s hot. It nice to have another native Long Islander at the parties.

Daniel - Ex-boyfriend, former flatmate and occasional vague annoyance. He leaves his pot with hot dog water out all the time, and is terrible about not letting his leftovers evolve in the fridge. On the other hand, he’s adorable and hung like a bear, and knows how to use it. We dated before Franklin and I, and after we broke up, fooled around again. The running joke was that I was the only person who would know if he improved in that year. He did. He’s currently dating a Dianna the Virgin, and I’m not allowed to tell him about my sex life any more. I’m annoyed at the virgin dating because I know what she’s missing.

Thing 1 - the other former flatmate. He has a giant stick up his ass, and badly needs to get laid. He had a freak out when he found out Franklin and I had sex on the couch (No one was home!) and nearly had a panic attack when he saw me naked. (Srsly. I’m not that bad, jerk face!) I like to masturbate in the living room, just coz I know it would piss him off if he knew about it.

Coconuts - My pot smoking buddy. We’ve known each other since we were four years old. One day, he’ll be a famous actor, and I’ll be able to sell all my old pictures of him to the Star. Unless of course, he introduces me to famous people, and gets Kathy Bates to autograph my copy of ‘Misery’.

Jordin - High school boyfriend, current buddy. Live in Florida. We hang out when he’s in town. I pride myself with being friends with almost all my ex’s. He’s a sweetheart, uber hot, and soon to be a daddy.

Brian - the only ex I’m not friends with. He’s crazy. As in, he measured his hair and took more than 2 showers a day. As in, he only eats cheeseburgers, apples and pizza. That’s it. Seriously.