I am a fat chick. I’m fine with saying that. I’ve become comfortable in my skin.

I am almost always one of the first people to get naked and the last to dress at an orgy. At home, I spend an unholy amount of time nude. Its who I am.

Sometimes, I think my ass has a pimple on it, or that I missed a spot shaving the back of my knee. I am aware that I have a small gut.

Yet for some reason, I am completely comfortable in my skin, and with exposing said skin.

Yet I see many of my beautiful, hot ass friends, male and female alike uncomfortable or ashamed of their bodies.

While watching a reality show this year (VH1’s the Pick Up Artist, and good good, isn’t Mystery fucking hot?) I noticed something.

On the pick up artist, men were trained by the (utterly delicious) Mystery, how to pick up women.

One of the men who made it quite far was a big guy named Joe D. One challenge, and a few comments, stuck out.

The men were told they were going to a pool party. They were given a selection of Speedo’s to wear.

Nearly all the skinny/relatively fit guys, including Kosmo, who even the cast felt was the most attractive, were self conscious. Kosmo even refused to wear the speedo and wore his own long legged loose shorts. Meanwhile, Joe D was running completely at ease, gut, speedo, and all.

He won the challenge.

That is Joe D. in his speedo.

Here’s Joe D. and the other men he was competing with. That boy is so much more comfortable looking than the others. Thats hot. (Though I do love me that scrawny pale looking guy in the middle. What can I say? I like a man I can manhandle. :)

One of his fellows commented on the fact that he was the fattest guy there, he was the most comfortable in his skin.

“Everyone suits up for a pool party with the exception of Kosmo — apparently he’s “allergic” to speedos. At first it seems like 12-year-old girl behavior so that everyone in the house can tell him how great he looks in a speedo, while Joe D. gloriously flaunts his 100 or so extra pounds of flesh, exclaiming he has “butt floss.” His unabashed nature is absolutely refreshing, and works on the ladies as well. Joe D.’s confidence helps him win the reward challenge” - VH1 Blog

I don’t get it.

Maybe its all my perception, or I’m distorting this. I mean,I know plenty of hot people who are also comfortable in their skins, but this keeps popping up.

And its not just body image. Its all looks, really.

I have an utterly gorgeous male friend, who I just figured out had body issues - he’s asked on several occasions if he had a body that girls like. (He does - oh god he does!)  Recently I made a comment on how nice his hair looked.

Later on, he brought it up again, and said “You know, I just realized that I’m kind of good looking” (You think? I only call him beautiful all the time! And really, that’s half of how  he gets away with half the stuff he does. Oh, men.)

I have a female friend with the perfect body, who thinks she needs to lose ten pounds. *sigh*

Yet back in the day - the most confident boy I knew? Chubby. Short (5′2”) slight limp, and damn, did that sonofabitch get women hand over fist.  (He did have excellent fingering skills) He was also utterly confident in his own skin, with who he was.  (We were actually making out in the back seat of my first Buick with the radio on, when Paradise By the Dashboard Light started playing. Y’know, I’d love to see that kid again. If he’s reading this, I’m sure he knows who he is. R.S., if you actually remember that, and me, email me! Lets fuck!)

But I don’t get it. I really don’t.

I, with all my imperfections, my extra fat, my upper arm flab, and all that, am the one comfortable naked.

I don’t mind disrobing for the doctor. My friends and I change clothes in front of each other.

At camp, in strange, mixed company,I went about my usual naked routine.

I dress almost however I want. I don’t have the legs for shorts. They just look dumb on me. Nor do I have the guy for crop tops. But damnit, I will wear a tube top if I want to! I will wear tight, ass revealing jeans! I’ll wear low cut, see through shirts.

I paid a lot of money for these tattoos, after all. I do want them to be seen.

All this is why I like to tell people when I think they’re attractive.

I’ve even been known to be rambling to girls in conversation and end it with ‘…wow, you’re really pretty…” I like to use affectionate descriptions as nick names, especially boys. I call Sebastian ‘Beautiful’ because he is. I’ve called Will ‘pretty boy’, because he is.

Boys need the reminders most, I think.  Girls get compliments all the time, on lots of things. Even if that compliment is “Damn girl, what an ass!” I hear over and over that to someone, I’m attractive. Shit, I can’t walk around in my neighborhood with out getting catcalled, kissed at, or whistled at.

Ladies, lets try to compliment our men a bit more. Even if its something little that you don’t think is a big deal.  Tell him his shirt is nice if you like it. Tell him you think he’s hot if he is.

In fact, I’m going to shout out to some men.

Ace of Hearts, you’re shirt was totally bitchen’ tonight. I still think it would look awesome with a string tie.  If not, then with spurs. Mmm…spurs.

Jefferson, oh you. You know, you look pretty damn hot in real going out of the house clothing. That black sweater is fucking sexy. You look pretty damn hot naked too. But I like the duckie boxers best.

Match, I have seen many many men do suspensions and pulls. But none are quite so awesome as the photo’s you’ve shown me. And pardon the pun, but god, do you look hot on fire.

Maymay, you’re pretty! I really like your hair. *blushes, toes ground.*  (So Eddie Izzard: ‘Allo Sue! Do you like…bread? I’ve got a French loaf right here!’ *whacks with bread, runs away* ‘Byeee!’ )

Prince, you are gorgeously androgynous. To be completely crass, I’d love to see you ride my cock. The big one. :)

Sebastian, you’re beautiful. What more can I say? You are one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever seen. Really. You also have sexy, bite-able ass, even though I’m not allowed to bite it. Curse your easy markability!

Will, you have the prettiest nail polish ever. I’m jealous. Also, pretty bite-able lips. Yum!

Thanks for gracing me with your presence boys….so, what are the chances of a big bisexual boy party/Wendy gang bang with ya’ll? Maybe for my birthday in February? Eh? Eh? Oh, I’m just kidding. I would never use compliments like that for my own gain. Those compliments are just for you. Because you all rock my socks.

But aside from all that, from the boy compliments, to the guy’s who deserve it.

Back to the body image. I still don’t really get it, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say its confidence.

Confidence is what my short Casanova friend had.

Joe D. from The Pick Up Artist had some badass confidence .

Me?I don’t really think I’m all that confident, but I sure do fake it well!

Maybe that’s the key. If you can fake confidence, you gain confidence, and it becomes real for you.

Its like Jim’s ghost said in Wayne’s World - “If you book them, they will come”