The Clone a Willy kit has been something I’ve wanted to try ever since I first heard of it – who wouldn’t want to make a model of their favourite cock?!

When I was dating Daniel, or sometime after, I had joked with him about making a dildo model of his dick with one of these. He’s got an awesome cock. Very big. Very yummy. If I were a boy, I would want a dick like his.

He said it wouldn’t be fair, because I’d run around using his dick to fuck boys up the ass before *he* got to fuck boys up the ass. He did have a point, but I let it drop.

Then, while looking through sex toys to find stuff I’d like to try, I saw the Clone a Willy Candle Kit – perfect! I could make a model of his cock, it would be fun, and I wouldn’t be using it to fuck boys or girls with (since candles make very poor dildos. I know from experience. Don’t ask.)

They also have a Clone a Willy Chocolate kit, but I didn’t really think gnawing on my ex’s chocolate dick was all that appealing, because I’d rather have the real one in my mouth.

However, Daniel now has a girlfriend who is FULL OF AWESOME (yay!), and they are, alas, monogamous. So no Daniel penis for me.

So why am I even writing about him for this review? Because his girlfriend is SUPER FUCKING COOL and said I could make a candle out of his dick! And that she would help!

I figured Daniel was trying to wrangle a three-way out of this, which is silly. Who needs excuses like candle making for three ways? But when we got down to the nitty gritty – well, no three way. His girlfriend, The Black Russian, is straight, I don’t dig many girls, and this kit made things fun and weird.

Now, first of all, I must say, that heading over I was super nervous to meet The Black Russian (to be know as TBR), because I have a track record of not always getting along so well with Daniel’s girlfriends. I’m very protective and territorial of my male friends, and girls that hurt them piss me off. But TBR and him are disgustingly cute and adorable, and fun. Plus, TBR is my kind of chick. She drinks, smokes, parties,  and is generally bad-ass. Plus, she was willing to help me clone her man’s cock and make a candle. Our first time meeting was going to be Erotic Arts and crafts.

So, after hanging out, exchanging stories (some adorable, some awkward, and some full of ridiculous) eating take out, and watching dirty jobs, we decided to get down to business. Our first mistake was probably having a drink or two to relax. It got us all nice and happy and in the mood to play, but it may have contributed to the failure of the kit.

And fail it did, quite humourusly. However, I think it was a wonderful bonding experience for Danile, TBR and I. I miss my Daniel. And I love TBR.

The first fun part was reading the directions. I read them, and TBR read them, and Daniel read them. They were somewhat overly complex.

The first part that killed the candle making for us was number one – “Measure your erect penis against the kit container, with the open end flush against your body. Cut the container to the length of your cock.”

We guestimated. Don’t guestimate.

Then, we spent 15 minutes in debate over how hot the water should be. The directions said that it should be EXACTLY 96F. Daniel has no thermometer. We couldn’t figure out how to tell if the water was 96F or not. If we used water that was too hot, then the solution would set to fast. If it wasn’t hot enough, it would take to long to set. Eventually, we realized that 96F was about body temperature, so we figured we could just stick our hands in the water from the the tap and see how warm it was.

Then, it was time to fluff Daniel. This was the oddest part for me, because TBR was working his cock over, and I was sort of confused as to what my role was, aside from being She Who Mixes the Solution. I was thinking to myself “Do I touch? Do I offer to help? Do I jiggle his balls?”

At which point, I decided that TBR must be psychic, because she asked if I wanted to play with his balls or something. So I did. Which was fun, and funny, and a little weird.  Anywho, Daniel was getting nice and hard, enjoying himself, and it was time for me to mix the casting material and pour it in to the plastic tube.

This was where we had our big snafu. The water was the perfect temperature. I had the powder in a mixing bowl, spoon ready, waiting for me to add the water and start mixing, and very quickly pouring. This is the highest pressure part of the entire process. According to the direction, we had two minutes or less to get the stuff mixed, into the tube, AND get Daniel’s cock in there.

So I pour, and I mix, and its ready, and I’m pouring…and Daniel gets distracted from his blow job, and erection, while trying to help me. Just as I get the mixture in the tube, TBR moves back, I’m say “Quick! Go go go go!” and Daniel is apologizing.  Alas, as I’m frantically gesturing for him to get his cock in the tube (which we were just realizing was too long) he was going soft.  I’m caught up in the process of making this thing, and I’m four seconds away from trying to blow him real quick to get things back on track, but holy shit, the mixture in the tube was already hardening to the point that it was useless for us.

Alas, that was it. There is no second chance with the Clone a Willy kits, as once the mixture sets, its done. No repeats, nada, nein, zip. So, we cleaned it up, looked it over, and saw what we did wrong. One was not measuring accurately. The other was not keeping Daniel from getting distracted. (I can personally attest that this is not usually a problem. But then again, sex usually doesn’t involve mixing powders and wax. At least not at the same time.)

Anyway, while we made some errors, I also think the kit demands quite a bit from its user. The directions show a guy doing this all by himself, but I don’t know how well that would work – considering we had three people working on this, and we couldn’t make it happen. I’d love to see a video of one guy trying to do it all by himself.

However, I still think the product is awesome and a fun idea – and I would totally try it again, now that I know what I did wrong. I think I could get it done right next time. At least, I could get the dick molded. I don’t know what would have gone down once we had to melt the wax and set the wick and stuff.

But the Clone a Willy people make soap on a rope kits…I’d love to have one of those. It would make it even more fun to play ‘don’t drop the soap’.

Though I have no idea why someone wouldn’t want to drop the soap. Weird.