aaaaaand, I’m back!

Or at least, I shall try to be back. Who knew that the last semester of schooling, the process of getting a license to practice massage in NYS, prepping for tests and regular sex in an awesome relationship would keep me too busy to write?

As it is, I am in my last semester of school for massage therapy, where I am working on honing my Shiatsu skills, as well as taking a focus on Western style work.  The scary thing is, its such a big huge world of information and skills, and I’m a little daunted at the idea of trying to compile it and put it to practice. Plus, I have a strong feeling my semi-formal education isn’t over yet, as I would like to continue studying Reiki and Rising Star Healing systems, as well as continuing to take as many classes in Shiatsu and TCM as I can – to say nothing of continuing to work with my Swedish skills! Oye!

But, winter is the proper time to be doing all this – its a time of quiet and gathering and preparing for the bloom of spring, when things are new and growing!

It is also the time for planning other things – at DOSC 10, Anon and I got engaged (after participating in a Tantra ritual – explain that one over dinner with your parents!) and I’m going to be moving to Philadelphia (and trying to get my license there, oy vey. I’m a busy girl!) when school ends, likely at the end of December. Though I’ll be here lots in January, since I have tests to take, and classes to take to prep for the test. However, I’m looking forward to making Philly my new home, and may be starting a new blogging project related to the move, which I’ll mention when it happens. I’m also looking forward to building a life with Anon, who is full of buckets of awesome!

I have also been in a weird emotional place. Right before Floating World this year, though unrelated to it, I had a huge triggery unpleasant episode related to my past sexual assault, which I had thought I had put to rest. Silly girl I am, because I thought I could deal with this through sheer force of will, and boy was I wrong. I have been unable to find a therapist in NYC that is 1) kink friendly, 2) versed in PTSD and sexual assault and 3) that takes my insurance or that I can afford. I’ll be looking again for someone in Philly, since I will also be working then.

Its rather frustrating, because lately things have been coming up and getting right up in my face about that. Its like a spiritual clue-by-four whacking me over the head and say “Deal with this shit now!”. I can’t be an effective healer if I am still broken. I can be an effective healer, having been broke. In fact, I think that will make me stronger. When I have progressed on my own healing path, I can help others.

I’m not saying I can’t be an effective massage therapist while I’m dealing with my issues – I can, and I am. I am finding more and more that I’m not just good at what I do, I am very good at what I do. And I can continue to be very good, and get better, at what I do. And I want this.

But there are many things I want. First and foremost, I want to build a private Shiatsu/Asian Bodywork practice. I want to learn Reiki. I’m considering Rising Star Healing as well, after more research. (I got a treatment, and it was AMAZING!)

But while I was reviewing my notes for Professional Development classes at school, I was reading through the chapter on working with survivors of trauma and abuse, and of course I was all upset because it was reminding me of things I didn’t want to think about, but it also made me think – these are the people I’m supposed to work with. This is where I can do some really good, meaningful, work. There is extensive training needed for body workers who want to specifically work with trauma survivors, but I think, once I’ve gotten my own shit together and sorted, I can, and should, do this. So we’ll see what the future holds.

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4 Responses to “aaaaaand, I’m back!”

  1. ANoN says:

    The world has missed Heart Full of Black and needs your voice, you should write more… I am glad that you are dealing with your PTSD. Even if it is tough to write about you need to speak out more.

  2. lot says:

    hey, did you end up finding a good therapist in philly? i’m posting on fetlife, trying to find someone, but would appreciate a personal recommendation.

  3. Joni Voisin says:

    well i wasnt intending comming here :o) was looking for something compleatly various but ended up here and glad i did :) food for thought i guess for a short article i had been pondering so will link back to here if thats ok ? and may i wish you a happy new year.

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