Ok, I don’t actually hate all threesomes. I adore having two pretty bisexual boys in my bed. Who wouldn’t? I could sit back and watch them play for hours…mmm…
Its the MFF threesomes I hate.
I still remember the first threesome I had…
I didn’t actually want to have it. I had a bunch of friends over for St. Patrick’s day, so we were hanging out in the apartment above my parents house, drinking and what not. A female friend from out of town was visiting. Lets call her Melanie. She had invited a guy I hated all during high school to the party, whom I at the time tolerated because she was my friend. Lets call him Alex.
Now, I sort of fancied Melanie, as did Alex. I also didn’t really like him in general, nor did I want him around my friend. We were both flirting with Melanie, we were all drunk, and somehow, we wound up in my bedroom, and he locked the door. Things are a little fuzzy, because I know we both tried to leave and he kept bringing us back. Alcohol does funny things to you, and the next thing I know, we were all fooling around.
It was….good? Sort of. I think. As I said, we were drunk.
Somehow, we agreed to do it again.
After that, we realized that despite being a complete idiot, and asshole, and generally unpleasant, Alex had some skills. Well, that’s exaggerating. He had a decent cock and hips like a piston. Everything else, he sucked at. He was a fucking douchetard.
He’s the idiot who went from fucking Melanie to fucking me with out changing condoms. Yeah, let me tell you how much that sucked. It sucked so hard it wasn’t even funny. It may be TMI, but I had the WORST yeast infection of my entire life after that. Yeah, I had to go get the diflucan pill and everything, and I’m one of those acidophilus and yogurt girls who rarely gets yeast anymore anyway. So I was annoyed.
Once, I was going down on Melanie. He tried to ‘help’, and I finally had to stop, look at him and go “Dude. You do realize you’re just licking the bridge of my nose, right? Go play with her tits, or put your dick in her mouth or something, I’ve got it down here! Shoo!”
But overall, what I hated most about the whole thing? I very quickly began to feel like…an accessory. Like a sex toy, but not in a fun way. Like I was there for his amusement and titillation, and that my participation as another human being wasn’t actually required. That I could have been anybody.
Melanie noticed this too – we had talked about it, and tried to fix it, but as I’ve mentioned, Alex was a douchetard and an idiot.
Eventually, we realized he wasn’t worth it. We also found out he had had a girlfriend the whole time who he was cheating on.
I don’t like that. I think Melanie might have actually slapped him when she found out.
So, Alex was gone, Melanie fell out of touch, yet that icky three way feeling never really went away.
I had a few more girl-boy-girl three ways after that, and it was always the same, whether it was intentional or not. I won’t go into all of them, but they were generally all the same. I was always left feeling like I wasn’t actually a part of what was going on. I actually felt kind of dirty.
I could spend a whole post trying to analyze what it is about MFF threesomes that bother me. I could go on about being a ‘unicorn’ the single bi female that people in couples seek out (and let me tell you, I get *a lot* of offers from couples. Yeah. Not interested.)
I could chalk it up to porn, and blame the misogynistic fantasy of two girls for a man’s enjoyment that they propagate…but hell, that’s half of what I like about MMF threesomes, and I don’t want to get on the blaming porn bandwagon. I like porn.
I could chalk it up to idiocy of the people around me, and I think I would finally be getting close. See, most of the MFF threesomes I had were well before I got involved in the whole sex positive/kinky/poly/swinger/blogger/perverted whatever scene I’m in now. I didn’t know the people then that I do now, and I was also much younger, and dealing with people who were younger, and had less experience and maturity.
Because, see, I did once have a MFF threesome I liked.
At one of the regular orgies I used to go to, Nathan had brought a friend of his from out of state. She was really fucking cool. I had heard lots about her from Nathan prior to meeting her, and I’ve found that generally, I like most of the people Nathan introduces me to anyway. He’s awesome and meets awesome people.
At some point in the night, she and I were sitting on either side of Nathan, and I do believe we both wound up nibbling on his neck while talking. Things progressed, and we all sort of started fooling around, taking turns switching things up, blah blah blah. It was good, and fun, and happy, and I really enjoyed myself.
Part of it was that we each unconsciously entered into it as individuals. It wasn’t a couple looking for a third, it wasn’t some guy looking for thrills, and it wasn’t someone going through one to get to the other.
The three of us, at that moment, happened to hit it off and decided to get naked and have sex because sex is fun and we liked each other. We all had a good time, no one felt left out or like an accessory, and even when two were more involved than the third, it was cool.
I liked that. That’s how I think it should be, at least for me.
But I still can’t get over my resistance of MFF threesomes. I don’t like the idea of them in general. I don’t want to plan one. I don’t want one sprung on me. I don’t want someone to suggest to me that one of my friends and I should fool around with them. I may bring up the idea myself, which has happened, but rarely.
So, if you want to approach me about a three way, there had better be another dick involved, or else I am not a happy camper.
