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Of Gods, Endings, and New Paths

January 10th, 2011 · 3 Comments

So, I’ve decided to retire Heart Full of Black. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, along with many other thoughts floating through my head.

Heart Full of Black, for me, has served its purpose.

See, I think everything happens for a reason. Everything. Sometimes I look back at the paths I’ve walked in my life, and I can see how each thing led to another thing, everything finally bringing me closer to where I am now, where I’ve needed to be.

See, I’ve always know, deep down, that I was meant to be a healer. As a child, I was empathic, and had an intuitive, though unstructured, idea of energetic healing. But, I was an Indigo child in a very non-indigo home, so I tamped most of it down.  And I didn’t think I had it in me, so, I took a vastly different path. I went to work with the dead. And even there, I had the chance to help people heal, though in a vastly different way than I ever expect.

Now, its time for me to go down that path. I have come into a wonderful sense of calmness and assurance the past two weeks, after several months of spiritual confusion – particularly since a deity had shown up in my life and requested attention. I had posted on twitter, a few days ago and had a conversation:

” Hm. In my head, lately, I feel like woo-things had been fighting for my attention. It seems like they’ve stopped. Either I’ve settled on a path, or things are about to spring up again. A few weeks ago, it was pretty intense, and I’ve had no revelations. :-/”

Anon, my sweet, lovely brilliant fiance said “you don’t need revelations to have a meaningful spiritual experience. Simple awareness is usually enough :)”

Me: “true, but I feel like im waiting for something to happen”

Anon: “i have felt that way most of my life. What i learned is that you the anticipation you feel is real but it could just be the universe that is in anticipation of you”

He’s right. The universe has been waiting for me, and now I’m ready.

Odin also manifested in my life as well. He showed up in the flesh, three days in a row in September. I dreamed of making spears. I had a vision of a dedication to Him, and his name and image kept popping up in my daily life.

Now, I’ve come to understand why, I think. I have always loved Norse mythology, though it was never a spiritual path that I followed, though I have a great attachment and attraction to many of the stories. I’ve been planning a tattoo of His ravens and a quote for some time. He is someone who I would most definitely notice, and would definitely pat attention to, because in my experience, he is not someone I would imagine would come to me (though, I don’t generally imagine anyone would come to me.)

I had though that He had wanted my direct service to him. But I never got a sign or feeling that that was what He wanted. I think He showed up as a remind to me that, as I felt, it was time to make a choice and walk my path. I couldn’t ignore Him, after all!

I’m done with my massage training, at least what I need to satisfy the state. I have worked to the satisfaction of my Sensei, and its time for me to go forth and do Shiatsu, and to continue studying the healing arts. I’m ready, and that is the time of life I am at.

It is also time for me to focus on the semi-neglected spiritual part of my life, because that is entwined with my healing path.

Now. This does not mean that I am leaving the scene, because I am not. I’m still a pervert. I’m still going to have kinky sex with Anon. Still going to have fun poly sex. Still going to events, still gonna be on twitter. I’ll still teach, if people want me to teach. Hell, I’ll even probably be blogging, just not here anymore. I’m going to leave this site up until the domain expires, but then it will be gone.

See, this sex blog helped me learn and grow and become the sexual person I am. It helped me meet wonderful people, and have wonderful experiences; I grew as a top, I grew as a human being, and because of this path, I had the chance to meet Anon (according to him and his Guides, several years before we were supposed to meet. Now, we’re walking down these paths together, which is more than I could ever have dreamed of.

And I’m also tired. I’m tired of blog drama and catty sex blogger fights and people acting like assholes to each other. Tearing each other down, getting inflamed over the slightest stupid thing. I’ve got to say – life is much more shiny and fun on this side of the fence. Just sayin’.

But now, I have Reiki to learn, and more classical Chinese medicine to study, and who knows what else. I have a business to build. I have even more people to meet and to learn from. I have a new city to move to and settle in, and I’ve got a person I want to build a life with. I’ve got so much in front of me!


I have another blog, where I’m sure I’ll be posting stories and such – tales of massage, musings on whatever I want. But it will be a personal blog, not one just focused on sex. Here.

I’m also going to keep up my tumblr blog – sexy photos, cute stories, quotes, and pictures of adorable animals.

I’ll be on FetLife too, as Wendy Blackheart.

So really, this isn’t a goodbye for me. Just a goodbye for this blog – you can’t get rid of Wendy Blackheart that easily!

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Tags: thoughts

3 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Curvaceous Dee // Jan 10, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    I noticed you’d changed your tumblr name.

    You’ll be missed here – but I’ll be following your other blog :)

    (Also – your tattoo to come sounds awesome!)

    xx Dee

  • 2 ANoN // Jan 10, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Dear, This is a beautiful final post. You have done so much and I am very proud of you and this is an excellent way to say goodbye!


  • 3 Axe // Jan 11, 2011 at 2:22 am

    I’ll always be grateful for this URL of yours for many reasons. Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you for the blog, thank you for not going away and thank you for sharing your other blog URL
    Oh and do try and stay away from Loki. He’s a bit of a rat bastard.


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