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Why I hate threesomes

July 31st, 2008 · 46 Comments

Ok, I don’t actually hate all threesomes. I adore having two pretty bisexual boys in my bed. Who wouldn’t? I could sit back and watch them play for hours…mmm…

Its the MFF threesomes I hate.

I still remember the first threesome I had…

I didn’t actually want to have it. I had a bunch of friends over for St. Patrick’s day, so we were hanging out in the apartment above my parents house, drinking and what not. A female friend from out of town was visiting. Lets call her Melanie. She had invited a guy I hated all during high school to the party, whom I at the time tolerated because she was my friend. Lets call him Alex.

Now, I sort of fancied Melanie, as did Alex. I also didn’t really like him in general, nor did I want him around my friend. We were both flirting with Melanie, we were all drunk, and somehow, we wound up in my bedroom, and he locked the door. Things are a little fuzzy, because I know we both tried to leave and he kept bringing us back. Alcohol does funny things to you, and the next thing I know, we were all fooling around.

It was….good? Sort of. I think. As I said, we were drunk.

Somehow, we agreed to do it again.

After that, we realized that despite being a complete idiot, and asshole, and generally unpleasant, Alex had some skills. Well, that’s exaggerating. He had a decent cock and hips like a piston. Everything else, he sucked at. He was a fucking douchetard.

He’s the idiot who went from fucking Melanie to fucking me with out changing condoms. Yeah, let me tell you how much that sucked. It sucked so hard it wasn’t even funny. It may be TMI, but I had the WORST yeast infection of my entire life after that. Yeah, I had to go get the diflucan pill and everything, and I’m one of those acidophilus and yogurt girls who rarely gets yeast anymore anyway. So I was annoyed.

Once, I was going down on Melanie. He tried to ‘help’, and I finally had to stop, look at him and go “Dude. You do realize you’re just licking the bridge of my nose, right? Go play with her tits, or put your dick in her mouth or something, I’ve got it down here! Shoo!”

But overall, what I hated most about the whole thing? I very quickly began to feel like…an accessory. Like a sex toy, but not in a fun way. Like I was there for his amusement and titillation, and that my participation as another human being wasn’t actually required. That I could have been anybody.

Melanie noticed this too – we had talked about it, and tried to fix it, but as I’ve mentioned, Alex was a douchetard and an idiot.

Eventually, we realized he wasn’t worth it. We also found out he had had a girlfriend the whole time who he was cheating on.

I don’t like that. I think Melanie might have actually slapped him when she found out.

So, Alex was gone, Melanie fell out of touch, yet that icky three way feeling never really went away.

I had a few more girl-boy-girl three ways after that, and it was always the same, whether it was intentional or not. I won’t go into all of them, but they were generally all the same. I was always left feeling like I wasn’t actually a part of what was going on. I actually felt kind of dirty.

I could spend a whole post trying to analyze what it is about MFF threesomes that bother me. I could go on about being a ‘unicorn’ the single bi female that people in couples seek out (and let me tell you, I get *a lot* of offers from couples. Yeah. Not interested.)

I could chalk it up to porn, and blame the misogynistic fantasy of two girls for a man’s enjoyment that they propagate…but hell, that’s half of what I like about MMF threesomes, and I don’t want to get on the blaming porn bandwagon. I like porn.

I could chalk it up to idiocy of the people around me, and I think I would finally be getting close. See, most of the MFF threesomes I had were well before I got involved in the whole sex positive/kinky/poly/swinger/blogger/perverted whatever scene I’m in now. I didn’t know the people then that I do now, and I was also much younger, and dealing with people who were younger, and had less experience and maturity.

Because, see, I did once have a MFF threesome I liked.

At one of the regular orgies I used to go to, Nathan had brought a friend of his from out of state. She was really fucking cool. I had heard lots about her from Nathan prior to meeting her, and I’ve found that generally, I like most of the people Nathan introduces me to anyway. He’s awesome and meets awesome people.

At some point in the night, she and I were sitting on either side of Nathan, and I do believe we both wound up nibbling on his neck while talking. Things progressed, and we all sort of started fooling around, taking turns switching things up, blah blah blah. It was good, and fun, and happy, and I really enjoyed myself.

Part of it was that we each unconsciously entered into it as individuals. It wasn’t a couple looking for a third, it wasn’t some guy looking for thrills, and it wasn’t someone going through one to get to the other.

The three of us, at that moment, happened to hit it off and decided to get naked and have sex because sex is fun and we liked each other. We all had a good time, no one felt left out or like an accessory, and even when two were more involved than the third, it was cool.

I liked that. That’s how I think it should be, at least for me.

But I still can’t get over my resistance of MFF threesomes. I don’t like the idea of them in general. I don’t want to plan one. I don’t want one sprung on me. I don’t want someone to suggest to me that one of my friends and I should fool around with them. I may bring up the idea myself, which has happened, but rarely.

So, if you want to approach me about a three way, there had better be another dick involved, or else I am not a happy camper.

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Tags: bisexual boys · bisexuality · boys · broads · firsts · friends · my past · sex · sluttasticness · thoughts · weird shit

46 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Ms.Lily // Jul 31, 2008 at 3:36 pm

    I have only had one experience MFF, we were like 15-16 and she and I barely looked at each other. I really have not had an interest since, the MMF thing has happened several times. My ex was really into watching other men get turned on by me and it ended our relationship w/me feeling very unvalued.~he & 4 other guys in the room just made me feel like his personal whore and I was with this guy for 2yrs~ Hubby and I have not done anything of the kind, but have some interest. I think whether it be MFF or MMF it would have to be something natural, like you wrote about.
    xo~Lily

    Ms.Lilys last blog post..Candle HNT

  • 2 Jenn // Aug 1, 2008 at 9:32 am

    I agree.

    FFM = doing twice the work.
    FMM = having twice the fun.
    Ergo, FMM > FFM

    LOL

  • 3 axe // Aug 2, 2008 at 9:27 am

    I lost my virginity in a FFM situation. It was great of course but now that I actually know what I’m doing I’m eager to try it again.

    I’ve had one MFM and that was only good BECAUSE I was used as her toy. Having another guy there was…eh…but her reaction to having so much attention was beyond hot.

    A side note, he was bi and occasionally made comments about having interest in me. Thankfully he never acted on those comments.

    Oh and I love the word “douchetard”.

    axes last blog post..My Yoga Instructor Is A Dominant Woman

  • 4 Ili // Aug 2, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    Hey, I remember being at your house when that dickhead was there! I remember telling you to not go into that room but you didn’t listen to me! XD

    ARG!

    One day I shall buy you something from your list. Could be a month from now, could be quite a few. But one day!

    Miss you!<3

  • 5 Eric // Aug 5, 2008 at 9:42 am

    This comes from a sexual neophyte. The idea of a MFF threesome is intriguing in the sense that you are breaking the norm of monogamy with all parties involved interested. In actuality I cant see how I could pay attention to two girls at once and really please them both. I literally synch breaths with lovers at times as we reach simultaneous orgasm. I can see how threesomes could actually just get in the way of pleasure for everybody involved. I would be more getting off on their interaction. You’d want all the attention and the girls would sort of need to take care of themselves. I would feel like whomever I am not pleasing is an accessory, something I wouldn’t want to do to someone. Mind you – its an amazing fantasy I have like most other guys, logically it seems difficult. That said I find the idea you mentioned right off the bat tantalizing and more desirable, but out of my reach or confidence zone. Once again, not speaking from any experience, just my thoughts.

  • 6 Eric // Aug 5, 2008 at 9:45 am

    Despite my already long comment – one last thing – thought you put it all quite succinctly. This is the ideal situation.

    “The three of us, at that moment, happened to hit it off and decided to get naked and have sex because sex is fun and we liked each other. We all had a good time, no one felt left out or like an accessory, and even when two were more involved than the third, it was cool.

    I liked that. That’s how I think it should be, at least for me.”

  • 30 The Porn Librarian // Aug 6, 2008 at 11:01 am

    I’m pretty sure anytime a “Douchetard” is involved, you’re looking at a bad situation… Although I hate to stereotype ;)

    The Porn Librarians last blog post..Paris Hilton = Awesome???

  • 32 Nathan // Aug 6, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    Just catching up on my blogs…

    This is your second post on MFF threesomes, and the first one got me thinking. I’ve had a lot more MMM and MMF threesomes than MFF – in fact, the threesome you mention here is my only one, though I’ve been in MFMF+ etc.

    I’ve decided that there are a lot of problems with the typical MFF threesome, but that, as you point out, it need not be a problem.

    It goes without saying that it’s hard to divide your attention between two people at once. Can you jack/jill two people off at once? Sure. It’s not really the same thing.

    Gender dynamics: Traditional sex has bad gender imbalances. It’s over when the guy comes, only penetration is “real” sex, etc. The problem is amplified when there’s two women; the gender dynamics make it implicitly about the guy.

    Sexual dynamics: The bisexuality double standard. The lesbianism for male gratification. It’s all pretty objectifying. Not that I’m anti-objectification on the whole, but like knife play or non-consent play, it’s only fun because it’s PLAY. Embedded non-ironic objectification is no fun. If the guy is straight, the knowledge that the favor won’t be returned is also weird.

    Third wheel: The whole “couple plus another girl” is pretty sketchy – usually one member of that pair is much more into the idea than the other, and it’s icky to have sex with someone who only kinda wants to.

    I only support threesomes in a couple when both partners are really into the third person. I also only have sex, let alone threesomes, with sex-positive non-monosexuals. This means I don’t have a lot of threesomes, and most of the ones I do have aren’t with my partner.

    There’s an irony to the fact that there’s a community of folks like myself who identify as slutty but only fuck other slutty people, which isn’t such a large number after all.

  • 44 Richard // Aug 12, 2008 at 11:35 am

    Always liked mm/f threesomes.

    Tragically I’m not bisexual though. My wife is very adverse to any ff play – very much NOT bi-curious.

    But in the long run it’s probably less about the gender mix, and more about the people.

    Richards last blog post..Sir Lord Master Slavebeater

  • 45 Lady Johanna // Aug 20, 2008 at 6:19 am

    I’ve rarely had good MFF threesomes either.

    IME, guys that think they want to watch chicks in fantasy get really weirded out when they realize the chicks are actually into each other and not focusing on them – that the cock isn’t actually a necessary organ for everyone to have a lovely time.

    My very first MFF threesome, I was *begged* by my then-boyfriend to do. And he freaked out, got jealous of my best friend and hated her thereafter.

    No matter how much talking you do ahead of time, you don’t always know how everyone is really going to feel – unless they’re experienced.

    I’m into BDSM, and the few good threesomes I’ve ever been involved with had a woman running the show. IMO, that feels *very* different than a vanilla MFF threesome.

  • 46 Matthew // Jun 17, 2009 at 11:29 am

    If I did a mmf I’d dominate the guy. I love dick! But I’ve never had the chance. Cry cry cry.

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